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God Awful Movies

Eli Bosnick, Heath Enwright, and Noah Lugeons team up for a weekly attempt to prove that if god existed, his PR couldn't possibly be this bad.
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Now displaying: 2015
Dec 29, 2015

This week, Tom and Cecil from Cognitive Dissonance join us to break down a tale of a live triangle between a woman, her rapist, and her stalker.  Join us as we see exactly how many offended emails a podcast can fit into a single inbox, as we tackle the most disturbing film we've encountered so far, Loving the Bad Man.

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Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you'd like to hear more from them, check out their Facebook Page.

Dec 22, 2015

This week comedian Rebecca Vigil joins Heath, Noah, and Eli to break down Christmas Angel, a movie that was just dissimilar enough from Touched by an Angel not to violate any copyrights.  Listen in as we move one depressing step closer to having seen Kevin Sorbo's entire filmography.

If you had as much fun with musical comedian Rebecca Vigil as much as we did, you should follow her on Twitter.

Our theme music was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you'd like to hear more from him, check out their Facebook page.

Dec 15, 2015

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath break down Silver Bells, the story of a man whose competitive ways lead to criminal trouble when he accidentally hits somebody with a basketball just as all American jurisprudence disappears from the earth.  He's sentenced to Christianity, where he learns that winning isn't everything, and homeless people eat flour.

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Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  To hear more from them, check out their Facebook Page.

Dec 8, 2015

This week, Heath makes a triumphant return to welcome guest masochist Michael Marshall; Project Director of the Good Thinking Society, co-host of Skeptics with a K, and host of Be Reasonable.  Together, we take on What If…; the story of It’s a Wonderful Life, but in reverse.  We watch Kevin Sorbo turn from a successful, philanthropic, considerate investment banker, to a failed reverend in a termite infested church, thanks to a little bit of head trauma.

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If you’d like to hear more from Marsh, check him out on Skeptics with a K or Be Reasonable.  You can also learn more about the Good Thinking Society if you’d like.


Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more from him, you can check out the band’s Facebook page.

Dec 1, 2015

In this week's episode, Eli and Noah reach the belated end of the Thief in the Night quadrilogy with a story of fiction's tidiest nuclear disaster.  Join the petulant Christian, the sheep-haired 80s chick, the nuclear biologist, Jimmy the Mutant, and a sentient stocking full of mashed potatoes as they navigate the post-apocalyptic hellscape of radiation and helicopters.

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If you'd like to hear more from Evil Giraffes on Mars, check out their Facebook page.

If you'd like to hear more from Anna Phyllis Smith, check out her website.

Nov 24, 2015

This week Eli and Noah tackle the third film in the Thief in the Night series, Image of the Beast.  And as we descend further into hellscape of Russell S. Doughten's untreated mental illness, we find that computers are evil, Satan has a pretty good lawyer on retainer, and there will be locusts.  Glorious, glorious locusts.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you'd like to hear more, check out their Facebook page.

Nov 17, 2015

In this week's episode, Eli and Noah tackle the second movie in the infamous A Thief in the Night series; A Distant Thunder.  This is the story of the all the stuff the girl dreamed about in the first movie happening in real life; which basically means it's the story of the first movie, but all the actors are six years older.  With a bold redefinition of cinematic insanity, this film more than lives up to its infamous reputation and includes one of the most disturbingly fanatical endings in the history of the moving picture.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you'd like to hear more of his music, check out their Facebook Page.

Nov 10, 2015

This week, Eli and Noah break down our most oft-requested film; A Thief in the Night.  This launches a three part (or possibly four part if we can take it) series on one of the a movie that's horrible production quality pales in comparison to it's psychological abuse of a moral.

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Our theme was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars, and was used with permission.  If you'd like to hear more, check out their Facebook page here.

The music for "I Hate This F*cking Movie" was performed by Anna Phyllis Smith, who you can hear more from on her website

Nov 3, 2015

In this week's episode, Eli and Noah tackle Redeemed, a movie about how thinking about having a platonic, purely conversational relationship with a person you aren't married to will destroy your marriage.

 

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.

Oct 27, 2015

This week, Eli and Noah break down The Lock In, a movie that carves out its own genre somewhere between "found footage horror", and "My bad, I thought I'd turned the camera off."  When three friends find a nudie magazine in a dumpster, it never occurs to them that it might be possessed by demons, because that would be insane.  But that's actually what happens in this vapid waste of pixels.

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The music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick.  If you'd like to hear more, check out his band, Evil Giraffes on Mars, on Facebook.

Oct 20, 2015

In this week's episode, comedian Micah Sherman joins us to break down a movie so jingoistic the American flags are made up of smaller American flags.  Last Ounce of Courage is a retelling of The Grinch That Stole Christmas from the point of view of the mayor of Whoville, a Vietnam veteran whose obsession with Jesus stems from untreated PTSD.

If you'd like to hear more from Micah, you can check him out HERE, or you can check out his comedy album here.

And if you'd like to hear more from our maestro, Ryan Slotnick, you can check out Evil Giraffes on Mars.

Special thanks for sound effects.

Oct 13, 2015

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath break down Catching Faith; a movie based on a Christian coloring book for grown-ups that revolves around a mother's tireless effort to snitch on her teenage son for drinking and destroy his football dreams in the process.  And it's as bad as that sounds.

And if you'd like to hear more from our maestro, Ryan Slotnick, check out Evil Giraffes on Mars's Facebook Page.

Oct 6, 2015

In this week’s episode, special guest masochist Nick Morgan-Moore joins us to break down Brother White, a movie that falls somewhere in the racism spectrum between War Room and Mein Kampf.

 

If you can’t get enough of Nick’s sexy Australian accent, you can also hear him on The Imaginary Friends Show and The Atheist Apocalypse.  You can also follow him on Twitter, or subscribe to his YouTube Channel.


And if you’d like to hear more from our maestro, Ryan Slotnick, you can check out Evil Giraffes on Mars.

Sep 29, 2015

In this week's episode, we tackle the exciting conclusion to the exciting conclusion to the Left Behind trilogy, and rejoice in not having to watch another Kirk Cameron movie next week.

By the way, if anybody's up for Eli's Brother White preview challenge, you can find the preview here.

If you'd like to hear more from Ryan Slotnick, you can check out Evil Giraffes on Mars as well.

Sep 22, 2015

This week we tackle Left Behind 2: Tribulation Force, described by critics as the Attack of the Clones of Kirk Cameron's filmography.  In this film, a team of post-apocalyptic Christians team up to worship the guy whose plan the apocalypse was; while impotently trying to stop the thing they all agree is both necessary and inevitable.

Special thanks to guest masochist Nick Carillo, without whom this episode would not have had Nick Carillo in it.

Sep 15, 2015

In this episode, we embark upon an entire trilogy of increasingly crazy Kirk Cameron apocalypse movies.  We break down part one of the Left Behind triology with the help of special guest masochist Devin Heater.

If you'd like to follow Devin on Twitter, you can do so here.

If you'd like to learn more about Devin's show, GUS (Generic Underground Shelter), you can follow them on FacebookTwitter, or Instragram.

Sep 8, 2015

War Room, the story of a magical black woman teaching someone how to overcome emotional abuse by talking to an invisible wizard in a closet.  Not only is it the least interesting to ever contain the word “war” in the title; it’s also probably the least interesting movie about closets.

 

If you'd like to hear more from guest masochist Keisha Zollar, you can find more of work at the following links.

 

Keisha's podcast, The Soul Glo Project.

Keisha's web series In Game

Keisha's website KeishaZollar.com

 

And, of course, if you enjoyed the music in this episode, you can hear more from the talented Ryan Slotnick here:

Evil Giraffes on Mars

Sep 1, 2015

No Greater Love, a story of forbidden love, scenery chewing, and musical montages that starts boring and ends crazy.  Join Eli Bosnick, Heath Enwright, Noah Lugeons, and special guest Meg Griffiths for our review.

Meg’s website: http://www.meggriffiths.com/

Meg’s Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MegGriffiths

Evil Giraffes on Mars: http://evilgiraffesonmars.com/

Aug 25, 2015

If you'd like to watch Miracle Man for free (not recommended), you can find it here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfQDU3Lphrs

If you'd like to hear more of Ryan Slotnick (recommended), you can find him here.

Evil Giraffes on Mars

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