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God Awful Movies

Eli Bosnick, Heath Enwright, and Noah Lugeons team up for a weekly attempt to prove that if god existed, his PR couldn't possibly be this bad.
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God Awful Movies
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Sep 20, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join up with a mysterious friend for an atheist review of The Unexpected Bar Mitzvah, a movie about a young Christian boy in South Dakota and his relentless efforts to cure his Jewish neighbors of their Judaism. Seriously. That's what it's about.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Sep 13, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath team up for an atheist review of God's Club, the story of Stephen Baldwin trying desperately to open his eyes up all the way. Set amid the backdrop of a churchless town in Vermont, a faithful science teacher tries to overcome the death of his wife, his lack of acting talent, and a couple of atheist mean girls with murder on their mind.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Sep 6, 2016

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath team up for an atheist review of The Masked Saint, the story of Nacho Libre, except for realsies. This convoluted and uncomfortable hybrid combines elements of wrestling movies, superhero flicks, and Christian cinema to form a confused mess of stupidity. That we watched. On purpose.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Aug 30, 2016

It's been a year, so we figured Eli had finally earned an episode off.  So we invited Tom and Cecil to join us for an atheist review of God Not Dead; the review that, in a round about way, got this show started.

Incidentally, if you'd like to hear Eli's thoughts on God's Not Dead, check out Episode 59 of The Scathing Atheist.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Aug 23, 2016

This week Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Passion of the Christ, also known as the first inhalation after Mel Gibson's last gasp of sanity. In the first ever live record of God Awful Movies, a sold out crowd at the People's Improv Theater in Midtown Manhattan join us in a night of mockery, revelry, and blatant anti-Semitism.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

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This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC; copyright 2016, all rights reserved.

Aug 16, 2016

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath team up for a skeptical review of What the Bleep do we Know?, the 2004 classic of quantum woo. From "scientific" studies that show you can meditate away high murder rates to "scientific" "proof" that water gets sad when you say mean things to it, this film crams so much bullshit into one place there's no way to describe it but impacted.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Aug 9, 2016

On this week's episode, we pull a late audible and Heath, Noah, and Eli join forces for an atheist review of Vultures of Horror 2. In the second edition of everyone's favorite supernatural Nigerian Christian soap opera, nothing happens. But he still talk about it for an hour.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

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This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC.

Aug 2, 2016

In this week's episode, Heath, Noah, and Eli team up for an atheist review of Day When Sun Rises in West: Film that Shock the World. In this tale of inevitable destruction, four Muslim friends wonder if the end times will disturb their exciting life of chicken eating, rubble visiting, and cartoon sound effects. Combining poorly translated air conditioner instructions style subtitles, visual effects that wouldn't have made it passed the Vultures of Horror directors, and the typical Muslim tendency to take all the crazy up to eleven, Day When Sun Rises in West earns a place towards the very top of the "worst nonsense we've ever sat through" rankings.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

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This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2016, all rights reserved.

Jul 26, 2016

This week, Ishmael Brown joins us to talk about Would A Man Rob God? ... It's a slightly musical stage play about prosperity churches, performed for a very unimpressed live studio audience, and made into a movie that all takes place in the same room.  And no Brie Larson.

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If you'd like to hear more from Ishmael, you can check out his podcast, or his Facebook page.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

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This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC

Jul 19, 2016

This week, Callie Wright and Ari Stillman of the Gaytheist Manifesto Podcast join Eli, Noah, and Heath for an atheist review of Accidental Activist, a film about a bigot who struggles with the harsh consequences of his bigotry while trying his best to maintain in despite society moving forward without him. It's a movie where we're almost certain that they meant for the bigot to be the good guy, but it's really hard to tell.

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If you'd like to hear more from Callie and Ari, you can check out their podcast, their blog, or you can like their Facebook Page.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Jul 12, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join forces for an atheist review of Leap 2: Rise of the Beast, a low-budget (no... lower than that) action packed drama about a group of sassy teens that stand up to the Catholic antichrist with a combination of parkour skills, kung fu, and old fashioned pluck. Somehow managing to pack even less parkour into this sequel, filmmaker Chris Tempel seems to have used this film to chastise people who said nothing could be worse than the prequel.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Jul 5, 2016

This week Eli, Noah, and Heath join forces for an atheist review of Leap, a no-budget film about four friends who decide to use their remedial gymnastic skills to save souls for Jesus, despite ominous warnings from one of those teams of atheists that kill Christian parkour ministers. With substantially substandard cinematography, acting, music, editing, ADR, stunts, writing, and plot; Leap makes a valiant effort at being the worst movie we've ever reviewed.

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If you'd like to chime in on locations for our 2017 national tour, you can take the survey here.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Jun 28, 2016

This week, Heath has the sense not to join Eli and Noah as they embark on an atheist review of God's Army, the story of an alien lifeform that's disguised itself as a mole and hitched a ride on the face of a Mormon missionary. Or at least that was the story I was telling myself by the end just to keep from dying of boredom. Racism, sexism, and the most lazily jingled keys in the history of Christian film await on this week's conclusion of Mormon Movie Month.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Jun 21, 2016

On this week's episode, Dan and Mark from Thank God I'm Atheist join us for an atheist review of The Book of Mormon Volume One: The Journey; the story of a crazy guy following the voices in his head across a desert while his children repeatedly try to kill each other. It's a journey of wonder, discovery, anachronisms, overweight camels from the wrong continent, and love.

You can hear more of Dan (and, to a lesser extent, Mark) by checking out Thank God I'm Atheist


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If you want to see us live in NYC, you can get tickets here.

If you want to see us live in Manchester, England, book your QED tickets here.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.


Jun 14, 2016

This week, Eli and Noah are joined by Bryce Blankenagel for an atheist review of Cipher in the Show and Johnny Lingo, two "educational" shorts produced by BYU in a desperate (and misguided) effort to make Mormonism seem normal.

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If you'd like to hear more from Bryce, you can check him out on The Naked Mormonism Podcast or on My Book of Mormon.

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If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Jun 7, 2016

This week, David Michael of the My Book of Mormon podcast joins us to kick off Mormon Movie Month with an atheist review of Saturday's Warrior, which is essentially the musical version of the Mormon Duggars.

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If you'd like to hear more of David's milk-chocolatey voice, you can find his podcast here.

If you want to see the outtake Eli refers onto the show, you can find it here.

If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon

Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

May 31, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join forces once more; this time for an atheist review of Rock: It's Your Decision; a Bizarro-world version of Footloose where our hero uses his ability to not dance to inspire an entire town of youngsters to also not enjoy themselves.

If you want to see our live show in NYC on August 12th, click here to get tickets.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

May 24, 2016

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath team up once more for an atheist review of More Than Chance; the story of a young girl crippled by child abuse and really bad screenwriting, who eventually learns to overcome her disabilities and follow her dreams through a combination of Jesus and not dreaming very big.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

May 17, 2016

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath team up for an atheist review of Second Glance, a bizarre hybridization of an after school special, a re-imagining of It's a Wonderful Life, and unabashed anti-atheist bigotry. Plus we get to see little David AR White before his balls dropped and learn that apparently he never stood a chance.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

May 10, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join forces for an atheist review of The Freedom of Silence; a film that asks what happens when a computer expert and a Christianity expert team up to take down the evil, secular government through an act of terrorism. And they're the good guys.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

May 3, 2016

This week, we watched a Nigerian Christian demon bird cult classic.  Yup.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Apr 26, 2016

This week, Thomas Smith joins Eli, Noah, and Heath for an atheist review of The Black Rider: Revelation Road, the third film in a trilogy that has, until this point, known which side of the colon the subtitle goes on.  Join us as we desperately try to figure out what accent Kevin Sorbo is shooting for, why David AR White is wearing knee pads, and what the hell the point of this whole trilogy was.

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For more Thomas in your life, check out the following links:

Thomas and the Bible

Comedy Shoeshine

Atheistically Speaking

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Apr 19, 2016

This week, we're joined once again by special guest masochist Thomas Smith of Atheistically Speaking and Thomas and the Bible for an atheist review of Revelation Road 2: The Sea of Glass and Fire.  Part 1 went something like this: "In a pre-post-apocalyptic world, one humble karate ninja sets out to sell bulletproof vests door to door because he's an idiot.  But when he accidentally karate ninjas the wrong biker gang, nothing happens, but they suggest something will in the sequel."  Well we checked the sequel, and it doesn't.  Nothing happens.  And this is our review of the nothing happening.  

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For more Thomas in your life, check out the following links:

Thomas and the Bible

Comedy Shoeshine

Atheistically Speaking

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Apr 12, 2016

This week, we're joined by special guest masochist Thomas Smith of Atheistically Speaking and Thomas and the Bible for an atheist review of Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End.  In a pre-post-apocalyptic world, one humble karate ninja sets out to sell bulletproof vests door to door because he's an idiot.  But when he accidentally karate ninjas the wrong biker gang, nothing happens, but they suggest something will in the sequel.

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If you'd like to pick up your copy of the God's Not Dead song parody from last week (remember, 100% of proceeds go to charity!), you can get it on CD Baby here.

If you'd like to donate to the same charity directly, you'll find it here.

To learn more about the fundraiser, check out The Herd Mentality podcast.

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Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Apr 5, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join forces for an atheist review of God's Not Dead 2, a story in which god continues to not be dead, apparently.  This film continues the Pure Flix tradition of cramming way too many characters into a story with way too little plot, all to a soundtrack that can only be described as castration-like.

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Special musical thanks this week to Morgan Clarke, whose you can check out on Soundcloud.

Additional special musical thanks this week to Anna Phyllis Smith, whose you can check out on her website.

And, of course, our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

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